A Collection of Things Misheard (ongoing)

What I misheard:

I once found lady bugs in the mail.
I wrap this up with cobwebs before I take it
            home.
What do corners do?
Are you getting a baguette roller?
The best part of waking up is soldiers in
            your cup.
My mind is in the corn.
Dance kids.
Fresh hips.
I’ll take one, years later.
How is the peacock?
Y’all gotta get naked.
I used to live in Florida.
They’ve got misters.
Can I sit here for my performance art?
My ass lemons?
How is the bathroom smelling?
Lamp chops.
Do you like cheap cheese?
And forks.
The ass industry.
Spices chicken oil.
Unless she wants to eat cream cheese
           halfway through.
I’m gonna have a beer.
POTUS.
Do you want me to put the fish right here?
I’m a wild musty animal that must be tamed.
It’s a Mr. Bunghole song.
Hit me with another horsefly.

What was said:

I once found 80 bucks in the mail.
I wrap this up with towels before I take it.
            home.
What do coroners do?
Are you getting a magnetic roller?
The best part of waking up is Foldiers® in
            your cup.
The line is out the door.
Advanced kids.
Friendships.
I’ll take one of yours later.
How is the pecan?
Y’all got good bacon.
I used to have a floor like this.
I’ve got blisters.
Can I sit here for my class to start?
May I ask for some lemons?
That’s the bathroom ceiling.
Lamb chops.
Do you like sheep’s milk cheese?
Of course.
The gas industry.
Spicers paper mill.
Unless she changes her mind
           halfway through.
I wish my son was here.
Fungus.
Do you want me to flip a bitch right here?
I’m a wild mustang that can’t be tamed.
It’s a Mr. Bungle song.
I’m gonna give it another try.

Over the years I’ve made lists to track tendencies in my thoughts and behaviors. My father also makes lists around the house to assist with challenges from Alzheimer’s. I’m currently in my mid-forties, when the first formations of Alzheimer’s can take root, and these submissions are an early attempt at speculatively mapping its development through mistakes I've made around my apartment.

This list-poem, “A Collection of Things Misheard (ongoing)” is a collection of statements misheard over that have a de-stabilizing effect on time/space. This bringing of things into unexpected proximities is an attempt at producing an excitement out of the anxiousness of being trapped in one’s own head and hearing things anew.